The rules of customer relationships have changed, and most salespeople are still playing by the old playbook. I’ve been watching this evolution for years, and frankly, it’s been fascinating – and a little painful – to see so many professionals struggle with what should be a fundamental part of their business.
Here’s the thing: having customers and having customer relationships are two entirely different animals. Just because someone buys from you doesn’t mean you have a relationship with them. They might be what I call a “Transactional Buyer” – they purchase based purely on price or convenience. Or maybe they’re a “Habitual Buyer” – they buy from you simply because changing vendors feels like too much work. Neither of these scenarios represents a real relationship, and both leave you vulnerable to being replaced the moment a competitor makes a better offer.
But first, let’s talk about the elephant in the room – the generational shift that’s fundamentally changing how relationships are built in business today.
The Great Generational Flip
Here’s something that will change how you think about customer relationships: Millennials and Gen-Z – who now make up the largest portion of the workforce and decision-makers – build relationships completely opposite to how Boomers and Gen-X did it. And I mean 180 degrees opposite.
Boomers and X’ers? They built personal connections first, then moved into business. Think golf outings, long lunches, family photos on the desk, and “How about them Chiefs?” before getting down to brass tacks. The relationship was personal first, business second.
Millennials and Z’s flip this entirely. They’re business-first, then personal. They want to see your competence, your value, your results. They want to know you can deliver before they care about your weekend plans or your kid’s soccer game. Once you’ve proven yourself in business, then – and only then – will they open the door to personal connection.
This isn’t because they’re cold or antisocial. It’s because they’re efficient, skeptical of traditional sales approaches, and frankly, they’ve been sold to their entire lives. They want substance before relationship, proof before promises.
Understanding this shift is crucial because it changes how you approach every one of the five signals below. Let’s dive in.
- You can make mistakes and still keep the business
There’s really no larger indicator that you have a real customer relationship than this one. Mistakes happen. That’s because people are imperfect – yes, even your humble author. In fact, I had such a meeting years ago where a particular service offering hadn’t gone as well as it could have. In the midst of the meeting, my client gave me the highest compliment they could: “Troy, regardless, we want you to continue to be involved here. You’ve been good for us and to us.”
Here’s the generational twist: With Millennials and Gen-Z, earning this forgiveness requires a different approach. Instead of relying on personal rapport to smooth things over, you need to lead with accountability and solutions. Own the mistake completely, present a concrete plan to fix it, and demonstrate how you’ll prevent it from happening again. The personal relationship that allows for forgiveness comes after you’ve proven you can handle problems professionally.
Mistakes happen. If one mistake costs you the business, you didn’t have a real relationship – regardless of which generation you’re dealing with.
- They buy most of what they need from you
This is actually a bit of a revision from my contention of the past. I used to say that you have a maximized customer relationship if they bought everything from you that they could buy. I’ve backed off that to a certain extent. Today, I like to see at least a 75% wallet share as a maximized relationship, simply because customers like to diversify – few buyers these days are willing to put all their eggs in one basket, no matter how good you are.
With younger decision-makers, achieving this 75% share requires consistently demonstrating value and innovation. They’re not buying from you out of loyalty or because they like you personally – they’re buying because you consistently deliver results that matter to their business. This generation is quick to pivot if someone else can deliver better outcomes.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t always be shooting for 100% wallet share – you should – but it does recognize that sometimes it just isn’t possible, especially with buyers who prioritize diversification as a risk management strategy.
- You have multiple contacts
This is more important now than ever, and the generational shift makes it even more critical. Good customer relationships require multiple contacts. The reason is simple – employees are more mobile than ever, and stints at jobs get shorter and shorter. If you put all your relationship eggs in one basket by having a single contact, that means when your contact changes jobs, you’re back to square one.
Here’s what’s different with Millennials and Gen-Z: Building multiple contacts requires proving your value to each person individually. You can’t rely on one champion to vouch for you personally with their colleagues. Each contact wants to see direct evidence of your competence and results.
In building your relationships, go High, Wide, and Deep. “High” means as high on the company organization chart as you can get. “Wide” means many contacts. And “Deep” means that your contacts understand the concrete value you bring to their business – not just that they like you as a person.
- They give you referrals
Referrals are one of the greatest indicators of a maximized customer relationship. A referral is an expression of trust. When your customer refers you, they are saying that they trust you so much that they are willing to place their other relationships in your hands.
With the business-first generations, referrals come when you’ve consistently delivered measurable results. They’re not referring you because you’re a great person to grab drinks with – they’re referring you because you’ve made them look good to their boss, helped them hit their numbers, or solved problems that mattered to their business.
It’s also an expression that your customer cares about your continued prosperity, but this caring is earned through performance, not personal connection. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – your best customers want you to prosper, but with Millennials and Gen-Z, they want you to prosper because your success drives their success.
- They evangelize for you
What I mean by “evangelize” is that they are willing to give testimonials and serve as a reference when necessary. One of the toughest parts of selling a new customer is offering proof that your promises aren’t just empty words. Testimonials do this – they allow new customers to see you through the eyes of happy current customers.
The generational difference here is significant. Millennials and Gen-Z will evangelize for you, but their testimonials focus on specific, measurable outcomes rather than personal attributes. They’ll say, “Troy helped us increase efficiency by 23% and reduce costs by $50K annually” rather than “Troy is a great guy who really cares about our business.”
This is actually more powerful for your sales efforts because it gives prospects concrete evidence of the value you deliver.
The Strategic Approach
When you evaluate your customer relationships, think of the above five touchpoints while keeping the generational shift in mind. Chances are that most of your relationships won’t measure up – and that’s okay. It gives you something to work toward.
Get strategic. With each of your key customers, identify which generation they belong to and adjust your approach accordingly. For Millennial and Gen-Z customers, pick one of the above signals where you are deficient and work toward improving it by focusing on business value first. Demonstrate competence, deliver results, solve problems – and then let the personal connection develop naturally.
For each call, have a clear business objective that moves you toward one of these signals. When one signal is achieved, work on the next. You’ll likely find that one signal leads to another – the customer who will give you a results-based testimonial will also likely give referrals and tolerate mistakes because they trust your ability to deliver.
Make no mistake – a Maximized customer relationship is money, regardless of which generation you’re building it with. The path to get there has just evolved with the times.
